Unusual Sayings or New Versions of Cliches
If you have an unusual saying or a new version of an old cliche and you would like to share it with us, please email it to us at info@tgaps.net.
1) Cliche: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t small the sweatstuff.
(Meaninng: Don’t belittle hard work.)
2) Cliche: Been there. Done that.
New Saying: Been that. Done there.
3) If you can’t get even, get odd. If you can’t get odd, get out.
4) Whatever you do, have fun.
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.
5) Have a nice life.
I hope all your dreams come true.
Just keep me the hell out of them.
6) The problem is not THE PROBLEM.
THE PROBLEM is your attitude toward the problem.
7) Catch 44
(Double Catch 22)
Catch 88
(Quadruple Catch 22)
9) Cliche: Put your money where your mouth is.
New Saying: Put your mouth where the money is.
10) Every dumbass question deserves a smartass answer.
11) Your heart’s in the right place but your head’s up your ass.
12) Uneeda addidude adusment.
13) If you can’t handle it, fondle it.
14) Common dollars can’t buy common sense.
15) Someone please tell me what planet I’m on.
16) Better pissed off than pissed on.
17) Catch 666: factory farms, slaughterhouses, meatprocessing plants.
18) Love is living up to another person’s expectations of what you have to do to make that person happy?
19) Hell is living with the wrong people!
20) If someone asks you ‘Who be you?’ tell them ‘I be me.’
21) Gamblers are goddess-junkies who worship Lady Luck.
22) God gave you free will to give up your free will to another’s free will.
23) So what do you do for a living? I do just fine.
24) I love you (but not as much as I love myself).
25) Marry looks and you marry a divorce!
26) Nobody loves you like my body loves you.
27) You’re not the only noodle in my soup.
28) Do you have a pucking froblem or just a froblem pucking?
29) Better ugly than stupid.
30) Freedom from pain and suffering is a crime against inhumanity.
31) And she said, “Strip off the veneer of civilization and come face to face with the primeval force of mother nature.”
32) If you put all of the agents of the government in a closet, is the government in the closet?
33) “We are not from the government,” said the people. “We are the government.”
34) “We are from the government,” said the agents of the government to the people. “And we are here to help you….out of everything you own because we need what’s yours more than you do.”
35) THE LAW OF NECESSITY = THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE = THE LAW OF THE SAVAGE = THE RULE OF LAW BY MEN ABOVE THE LAW.
36) When the rule of thumb replaces the rule of law, whose thumb will you be under?
37) If your first name is ‘Cray’ and your last name is ‘Zee,’ does that make you Crazy?
38) Divorce is a weapon men and women use to impoverish and enslave each other.
39) If a woman is a weapon of man destruction, a man is a weapon of woman destruction.
40) Ladies who happily embrace femininity, who are affectionate and compassionate, who greatly enjoy the company of gentlemen, who have exquisite taste in all things and who always act with supreme class in whatever they do, are truly rare. Likewise, gentlemen who happily embrace masculinity, who are affectionate and compassionate, who greatly enjoy the company of ladies, who have exquisite taste in all things and who always act with supreme class in whatever they do, are truly so.
41) Poetry is the craft of using pointed words to make a fatuously petty point, a preeningly pithy point or some other pointy point pointedly in between.
42) I am forever.
43) Los Angeles is a hysterical city of hallucinatory sorcery trying to conjure up a hilarious civilization.
44) Killing time writing thoughts and feelings on paper without craft may be fun but never art.
45) Flimflam chitchat, disposable prefabricated factory poetry, masquerades as experi-mental avant-garde (are)t, a deadbeat charade of the soap-opera poetry follies camouflaging the belly-up effluvia of trivolous frivia.
46) Get in the last word, get the last laugh.
47) Humanity falls ever deeper into an abyss of thundering desperation trying to soothe away the lingering unease shadowing the world.
48) ORDO AB CHAO (order out of chaos – meaning tyranny, slavery and poverty ([the fist] replacing freewill, goodwill and selfrule [the open hand]) is a demonic slogan of a diabolical conspiracy to set up a satanic one-world hierarchy of unconditional obedience to absolute authority on pain of death whose rules of fascist thumb are divide and conquer, the end justifies the means, might makes right, strong never wrong, survival of the fittest, and kill or be killed which altogether mean: Do as you’re told or tough shit, suffer and die!
49) Politics always was and always will be preparation for war. And war ever was and ever will be population control by killing off countless seeds of future generations.
50) The United States of America have become the Altered States of Consciousness.
51) The world is as it is. Or is it?
52) If disembodied beings from the spirit world are coming to get you, go into an altered state of consciousness and escape into a parallel universe.
53) If higher intelligences from hidden dimensions are directing the course of events of your life against your will, go into an altered state of consciousness and escape into the pure cosmic M(EYE)ND of G(AWE)D.
53) We are all civilly dead and this is the uncivil afterlife. (Civiliter Mortuous Non In Rerum Natura)
54) The-forces-of-darkness are the-powers-that-be behind closed doors who, while tyring to take over the whirled, think they own and run it.
55) Elitism means rubbing elbows with the elite of the elite at a discreet elite retreat.
56) Every person, including any artificial entity such as any corporation, any government and any all-capital-letter-name nul-tiel ens-legis, is a private-citizen merchant in commerce using false privy tokens loaded with badges of fraud to discharge obligations to pay money.
57) The ruse of discourse posing as poetry ploys the imagination.
58) All the time in the world won’t make you as happy as great company.
59) If you are feeling overwhelmed by it all, you have reason to celebrate.
60) Paid volunteers are pretty ugly and nothing much else.
61) Poets are trope troopers traipsing across a battlefield of conflicting emotions.
62) Ants climbing trees defines the s-ants of poetry.
63) As other art, poetry critiques culture and civilization privately.
64) Poems p(home) m(eye)nd.
65) Fart for fart’s sake stinks up the shiterary landscape.
66) Bukowski perfected bars poetica.
67) Temporary love expires at midnight. You can’t take it to the bank.
68) Inscrutable miasma art brainfogs the mind.
69) Artists book passage to the unpredictable imagination.
70) Poets dabble playfully in the impossibilities of language.
71) Bacchus boycotts the party bar of con-temporary poetry.
72) If you think you’re smart enough to figure it all out yourself, then you’re dum enough to try.
73) If being different is different than you want to be, run with the bored horde.
74) Be ever ready to defend your country against your government.
75) The ruling elite above the law and the unruly outside the law flout the rule of law because they think they are a law unto themselves.
76) A noet is a semi-amateur poet starving in a garret practicing the loneliest art of writing semi-amateur poetry called noetry.
77) When politicians say ‘the truth of the matter is’ or ‘the fact of the matter is,’ you know they don’t know what they’re talking about.
78) If you’re smart enough to know that you don’t know, then you know you’re dum.
79) Why do poets think they’re prophets writing scriptures for posterity when posterity couldn’t care less?
80) The Diffy Cult of Poetry exclaims that the reader’s path to comprehension of a poem should be as difficult as the poet’s process of creating the poem so that the reader would experience that unexpectedly sudden epiphany exactly as the poet experienced it.
81) The future reflected on storefront windows is only visible to the absent-minded ones who are not the self-satisfied, self-content, self-centered, self-conscious, self-absorbed, self-obsessed self-advertised people.
82) Justice means and only means truth be told.
83) The avant-garde backwater poet-rebels are unruly artists in revolt undermining and overthrowing the literary status quo of the politically-correct post-modern poeseurs of the mainstream poetry establishment.
84) Capitalism – Mess with my capital ‘n’ I’ll cap ya.
85) Become a Secret-Society Mystery-School Initiate (NSE8) and meet interesting, exciting, other-dimensional beings by going into an altered state of consciousness, having an out-of-body after-death experience, travelling around the spirit worlds and communing with disembodied beings and the spirits of the dead.
86) If you are angry at the world of injustice and inhumanity, you can make a difference, but only if you become a champion for justice and humanity and only if you stand up and speak out and fight with all you have for what you believe in your heart and mind will make your community and your country a better place to work, to play and to raise a healthy, prosperous and happy family.
87) To think things through you need to think things over.
88) If you are lonely and longing for bad new-fashioned human contact, watch television.
89) When you order a round of drinks, you are reenacting that moment when King Arthur ordered the first original round for himself and his knights at the Round Table while they discussed Lancelot and Guennevere fooling around behind the King’s back.
90) Spiritual matter and material spirit occupy the same space simultaneously all at the same time in unison together.
91) Status Quo Joe, a true conservative, likes things just the way they are.
92) Debunk mindjunk.
93) Hillary and Bill Clinton: Femme fatale meets enfant terrible in a tour-de-force film-noire classic.
94) Political promises are make-believe love – an impostor’s hurlyburly hankypanky imposture imposing false impressions of truly true truth.
95) Do not get involved with remote-controlled people.
96) Purge the urge to splurge.
97) We all know it can’t do it all but it’s all over the place trying to live all of our lives as if only it knows best what’s best for us all. (tnemnrevog)
98) Deep-fried brains cause mind plaque.
99) When love becomes a country face-down in the gutter, think about changing planets.
100) To get to the root of the matter, think beneath the box.
101) The backside of the mirror knows intuitively that everything is moving away from everything.
102) Deeptheenk prevents problems; serendipity helps you remove them.
103) A man who argues with a woman is a man who’s always wrong not because of what he’s arguing about but just because he’s arguing.
104) Jungle savagery, otherwise known as nepotism, cronyism, fascism, tryanny, totalitarianism, authoritarianism, absolutism, satanism, socialism, communism, tribalism and cannibalism, is based on jungle law which is, on pain of death, unconditional obedience to the absolute authority of the jungle savage with the power of life and death over all.
105) The Cybelization of civilization, unconditional obedience to the absolute authority of some law other than the moral law of free will, good will and self-rule, is the apotheosis of apostacy.
106) Art contemplates not only the human condition and the meaning of life but also the inhuman condition and the meaning of death.
107) Administrative agencies perpetrate and perpetuate presumptions of ccorrectness (color of law) when they prosecute in administrative tribunals administrative claims in equity (presumptions of correctness/color of law) which have no form or substance in law.
108) Is authority the truth or is truth the authority?
109) Under a cloak of secrecy a power elite, unelected and unknown to the masses in a democracy, controls the authority of the state.
110) You can let time slip thru your fingers. You can let money slip thru your fingers. You can let love slip thru your fingers. But if you let your fingers slip thru your fingers, you have serious problems (Larry King).
111) Black magic, practiced by black magicians using sleight of hand and sleight of mind, keeps you in the dark where you not only lose your way but, through subterfuge, camouflage, masquerade, and charade duping you into a confidence game you are not even aware of, you lose some precious thing rightfully yours when you meant to gain something precious.
112) Never let temporary pleasure destroy a long-term goal.
113) The nose knows more than the toes knows.
114) If you get a foot in the door, leave your ego on the floor.
115) Every human endeavor has a hierarchy and a lowerarchy.
116) News Flash – Another insane killing rampage by an out-of-control lonely person on antidepressants.
117) THE ALIEN ABDUCTEE COOKBOOK FOR INTERGALACTIC TRAVEL discovered on a time machine voyaging far into Earth’s past was renamed MY NEIGHBOR’S PET TYRANNOSAUR ATE THIS COOKBOOK AND BECAME A VEGETARIAN.
118) Indecipherability is the highest achievement of the lowest-common-denominator poetry.
119) See-thru thong bikinis reveal the secret graveyards of rogue L. F. Ants.
120 Welcome to the Nude Whirled Whoredear.
121) If madmen were to rule the world, madness would reign in a madhouse world.
122) Govern(men)t is rule by a cabal of men above the law and govern(man)t is rule by executive order.
123) To set up hell on earth, rouse the rabble to rise up and turn society into heaps of rubble and ash.
124) If life’s worth living, is death worth dying?
125) Walls around walls around walls reeks of tyranny.
126) War means cities become cemeteries and buildings tombstones.
127) Law spelled backward is wal(l).
128) Bone-thin anorexic cokewhore poems hug the left side of the bulemic white page.
129) The gambler’s mantra is: I don’t care who loses as long as it’s never me and I don’t care who wins as long as it’s always me.
129) Poker players dissembling that they are semi-amateurs working toward their amateur status are the true sneaky professionals.
130) Bad beats in poker are rotten vegetables.
131) When the cards beat you, you are trapped in a losing hand.
132) Attack ‘em, smack ‘em and whack ‘em & slice ‘em, dice ‘em and ice ‘em & go berserk, run amok and wreak havoc are the only way to play poker.
133) Junk-card superstars play marginal hands in bad position and destroy the table.
134) In poker there are four kinds of hands: bluff, fluff, stuff, and ’nuff. In a bluff hand, you have nothing and you bet as if you have the double nuts. In a fluff hand, you have something and you bet as if you have the nuts and a half. And in a stuff hand, you actually have the nuts but you slow play your hand as if you have nothing. When you win with any of these three hands, then you have a ’nuff hand.
135) The only thing worse than a politician drunk with power is a drunk politician with power.
136) One of the best ways to lie to people is to tell the truth so unconvincingly that they don’t believe you.
137) Poker is not a card game played with people; it’s a people game played with cards.
138) Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. (Martin Luther King)
139) L-egant Intellig-ants become OBD-ants, belong, believe and behave.
140) While waiting for the messiah to gather up the chosen, exuberant marionettes infatuated with irregular intervals inadvertently get a glimpse of hypothetical love making itself presentable for its destination to oblivion (Onto Something Coming & Going).
141) The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference, he acquired his size from too much Pi.
142) I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
143) She was only a whisky maker – but he loved her still.
144) A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
145) No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
146) A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
147) Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
148) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
149) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
150) Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
151) I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.. Then it hit me.
152) A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
153) A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
154) The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
155) The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
156) A backward poet writes inverse.
157) In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
158) When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
159) Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
160) Poets act like fringelings parading on life’s periphery.
161) Is that a poem in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
162) Great poetry is, of course, spectacular oracular vernacular.
163) Humerica will always be home to experimentally experimental experimenters experimenting experimentally.
164) Never look a gift-horse in the ass.
165) Sects appeal fronts for religious fanaticism.
166) Almost everyone writes poetry but scarcely anyone can write a poem (Clive James).
167) Snobbery sadistically shows itself to be that quotidian human condition wherein quintessential human nature is spiritually corrupted by a pathologically extravagant strain of satanically-inspired self-absorption syndrone.
168) Avant-garde intellectuals are heretic-hermits hiding from nomad reality in an ethereal cloud of metaphysical indifference.
169) Your mind of minds knows in your heart of hearts that the powers-that-be-behind-closed-doors are all mad men and mad women living in a madhouse of their own design called the established social order.
170) You can’t get old without feeling old.
171) A destitute prostitute institute constitutes a bankrupt whorehouse.
172) An avant-garde prostitute would more aptly be a whortist or a whorthete.
173) Wars are man-made hate affairs with not much in common with love affairs except that love affairs sometimes end up as man-made and woman-made hate affairs when love affairs fare ill.
174) Derivatives are paper feces blasted out of Wall Street’s ass.
175) You’re so dum you can’t tell farts from turds.
176) The difference between love and hate is love can happen at first sight but hate will happen at first slight.
177) Your m(high)nd of m(eye)nds knows in your h(ear)t of he(arts) that the poetry-(pow!)ers-that-be-behind-closed-doors, the ill(litter)airy f(horses) of d(ark)nest, are mad men and mad women living in a madh(ow!)se of their own design called the e(stab)lished poetreek ordure.
178) Shit happens. Don’t be a toilet.
179) 99.99% of all poetry ever written is a hojpoj garbaj baraj.
180) Science and art unzip the fly of God.
181) A writer must have a subversive imagination to be an avant-garde assassin of contemporary literature.
182) Avant-garde artists are unruly slaves in revolt undermining and overthrowing the artistic status quo.
183) The Infallibility of the Willy-Nilly Liberal Mind Set Concerning the People: You don’t know what’s good for you, and even if you did, it wouldn’t matter, because we’re going to do what we think is good for you, whether you like it or not.
184) Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.
185) You can trick a donkey but you can’t fool a mule.
186) Men who think with their penises mistakenly think they’re geniuses.
187) Don’t hang around with smart people. All they do is try to outsmart you. Hang around with dum people. They can’t outsmart you. All they can do is outdum you.
188) Starving poets write oweds.
189) In no-limit hold-’em poker, just because you got it (before the flop, on the flop, or on the turn), doesn’t mean you get it unless you got the absolute stone-cold mortal-lock triple-trouble nuts on the river.
190) Dying beats the shit out of you and rips your guts out. Then Death turns out your lights. What a couple of assholes.
191) An army of one is soon an army of none.
192) In America you get your ’say’ but you get no ’sayso.’
193) Civilization looks in the mirror and sees an uneasy truce between governance and populace.
194) Grab time (carpe diem) with all your heart and all your mind before time is gone without looking back even for a fraction of a moment.
195) Livin’ high off the hog for you, buddy, is livin’ way too high off my hog, pal.
196) Culture looks into the mirror and sees scantily-clad imaginations frolicking in the sieze of time.
197) And what do you do for a living? If you really want to know (as Holden would say), I make most of my money on the weekend as a transsexual transvestite prostitute. You don’t recognizes me, but you’re one of my best customers. Or I could be an infamous child pornographer or a satanically-inspired serial killer for hire. If you actually found out what someone did for a living after asking the question, you just might want to eat it.
198) Poetry is the craft of creating that work of art called poem.
199) Poetry’s post-mortem: If poetry is dead, great poems still live on forever.
200) Death isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be.
201) What it’s all about is where it’s at and where it’s at is all about babes.
202) Get right or get left. (Janine Zinnerman [shepjanine@yahoo.com])
203) There are two kinds of people in the world: hermits and nomads. If you can’t find the cave, you won’t find the hermit. If the hermit leaves the cave, you won’t find the hermit because when the hermit leaves the cave, the hermit becomes the nomad. If the nomad enters the cave, you won’t find the nomad in the cave because the nomad becomes the hermit when the nomad enters the cave. Now you can find the hermit but only if you find the cave and find the hermit in the cave before the hermit leaves the cave and becomes the nomad. If you are looking for the nomad and you look for the nomad in the cave, you won’t find the nomad in the cave because only the hermit is in the cave. If you’re looking for the nomad, you can only find the nomad outside the cave and only if the hermit leaves the cave and becomes the nomad. In other words, you can’t find the nomad if the hermit stays in the cave. And you won’t find the hermit in the cave if the hermit has left the cave and has become the nomad.
204) If you think you’re the Tyrannosaurus Rex at the poker table, you’re suffering from the Pokersaurus Hex.
205) You get old, you get ugly, you get sick, and then you die.
206) You knows what kills the boy in the man? The woman he lives with!
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